what more can I ask for?
Photo by Billy
Summer is suddenly over. Crisp and cunning, autumn is here again.
I have enough – too much, really – and I’m satisfied.
I have Will who is nearly 4 months old and lovely, and Billy who I love.
Our new threesome of a family is settling into sort of a routine: we eat, we sleep, we marvel at one another; We try to keep the laundry clean and the dishes from stacking up in the sink.
Still, when Billy is at work or out playing music, Will and I are left to our own devices. We play minimalist’s games in the mornings, then venture out into these cooler afternoons. We drop in on folks we know and try to befriend other new mothers.
The trick of the leaves is right around the corner. Then there will be Will’s first snow and the lights of Christmas and, before we know it, spring.
We have a lot.
We have each other.
And still,
sometimes,
we get lonely.
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Filed under motherhood, photographs | Comment (0)no babies were hurt in the making of this post
Will at the Flaming Lips, Photos by Billy
I have never felt more like a mom than the other night, taking my baby to The Flaming Lips Concert. Billy and I pushed Will’s stroller through downtown Charlottesville as cool kids in concert-wear streamed past. And me: a rock imposter, a worried parent.
We’d skipped a babysitter since this particular concert sounded innocuous enough: an early evening outdoors event. But approaching the pavilion, I got a visceral feeling that maybe I’d misjudged things.
To make matters worse, the mustached ticket taker berated me:
“You’re not gonna bring a BABY in here, are you? It’s going to be VERY LOUD. You’re going to DAMAGE THE BABY’S EARS!”
Going home – more specifically crawling under the sheets – suddenly sounded very appealing.
In the end, with Billy’s encouragement, we rolled to the drug store and returned with new supplies: wax earplugs that might work for Will’s small crescent ears. I worried that they might be unsafe or irksome, but Will just giggled when we inserted them. Then I worried that they were not in deep enough.
Will and I watched the Flaming Lips perform from a blanket on the lawn at the back of the seating area. The stage filled with confetti and blue balloons and dancing girls dressed like aliens or Santa Clauses. The band radiated the best brand of cool — not taking themselves too serious, but still full of purpose.
Will remained unstirred by the bright, loud music, even as I searched for any shadow of discomfort on his face. “Earplugs!” I mouthed preemptively at any one who looked in our direction.
I have never felt more like a mother: imperfect and uncool; ambivalent about where the balance should fall between safety and adventure. I didn’t enjoy the show exactly, but I tried. I tried as Will nestled in my arms, as Will fell fast asleep.
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Filed under motherhood, photographs | Comments (2)baby’s first hurricane
Photo by chris
We met friends in Nags Head North Carolina for Will’s first family vacation a day after Ernesto blustered through, flooding nearby communities and blowing rain against boarded up beach house windows. By Saturday the sun was out but the surf was still strong. Billy and the other fathers struggled past breaking waves on rented surfboards, while Will slept in the circular shade of our beach umbrella.
Roughly a year back I was riveted by coverage of another hurricane. Katrina’s devastation of the Gulf coast and the subsequent images of desperation inspired The Fourth Level, a fictionalized account of those stranded in New Orleans.
Since then hundreds of real life stories of Katrina have been collected. So what is the value of fiction here? Writing this story I wanted to foster empathy (my own even) by examining what it might feel like to be helpless in a a country of unprecedented power.
A year later I’m still questioning how our nation’s power should be put to use.
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Filed under photographs, the world we live in, writing | Comment (0)